Feelings on different levels

There is a time and a place to let my fears come out into the open or at least how I express it. I was trying to be funny and it bit me in the butt. That usually happens to people when they are trying to be funny, especially me since that is Troy's job, not mine. Therefore, I need to apologize to one of my kindest friends for making them feel bad for helping me be aware about what could happen after my surgery. Lisa, I want you know that I want you to tell me what I might/might not experience because in the end it can only help me. I did not mean to make you feel awful. You are one of my kindest/dearest/supportive friends that I could ever ask for and I do not want to jepordize that friendship, so kick me in the butt and make me pay for it one way or another : ) Love you, Guzman!

Now, to even expose myself even more, I went to Estes Park this weekend with my husband, Dawn, and Jason. We go every year so that we can have a respite weekend from the boys, we have four and they have three. We decided to wait until this weekend so that I could have a relaxing weekend before my surgery. I want you to know that the cool air, mountain scenery, and wildlife were beautiful and calming. However, in having discussions with my husband and Dawn, I figured out that I am more nervous that I thought. It is more for what will happen after surgery and how will it affect me and my family. I think about all the changes that will happen and is my family ready for those changes? Andy, the oldest, is fine and hasn't said much really about the surgery one way or another. He tends to be the quiet one. Cole, the second oldest and my first biological child, does not want me to do the surgery because he thinks that I should just be the way that I am. However, he supports me in my decision and will be with me the day of surgery and throughout. Dyllan, the second to the youngest, encourages me to do what I feel is right and will be there if I need him to be. Ty, my youngest, wants mom to be ok. I beleive that he is worried the most since he is only 10. I think that he is more worried about surgery and what they are going to do to my head. My husband, who doesn't say anything but supports it because he knows that I want it. So that is a good thing but his honest opinion would be nice at times. As far as the rest of the family and friends, most are excited for me but how much do they really know, I'm not sure so I guess we will be finding out here soon.

I do want to THANK everyone for their support, I really DO APPRECIATE it.