Monday, March 30, 2009

OK March 30

Well, I'm on my new program, program 2 at volume 9, and I am not sure that it is a program that I like. So, let me explain, I have 4 programs on my implant and as I said earlier I have to switch to a new program every three days...So , my thinking of this new program, I feel like that my battery is going dead. Its hard to explain to people that dont have hearing aids but it sounds very uhh monotone. I dont have as much high frequencies as I did before or the low frequencies are counteracting the highs, not sure which. I also can't hear the /th/ sound but still hear the /sh/, /s/, and /ch/ sounds. I still need to have visuals (lipreading)to help me to understand what people are saying but its slowly getting there.

I guess I am just not that patient, if anyone knows me very well, I always set my bar high and want it NOW!! Hmmm, where did I get that from? Couldn't be my mom, my solid rock, the one person that has pushed me harder than anyone I know. So, heres what I did, I went to the library and checked out books on tape, that will help me to start to understand words while I am in my car driving to everywhere that I drive for my job. I am also listening to my favorite CD's, Brother Bear and Lion King, since i have all the songs memorized, it will help me to figure out words while deciphering the music end of it also. Hopefully, I don't throw myself into a frenzy but I think that I will be fine. There are so many other questions that I have now and need to write them down before I forget so that I can ask Allison when I see her next Friday to change all my 4 programs again. Thsi will be a process that I do for a while to get my implant where it needs to be then I add my hearing aid back to the mix. That will be fun but I'm all for it!!

Stay tuned folks, I'll be back!!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

NOISE NOISE NOISE

NOISE NOISE NOISE is all I hear but I am getting there. I cannot fathom how your hearing People do it all the time! I understand that I will be able to filter out the noise as I get better with my implant but it so different than my hearing aids. I know that the noise was there because people told me it was, but I never heard it so I had to believe you hearies. Now, I know what you all were talking about. No I get to learn all over again how to ignore all the extraneous noise and only focus on what I want to hear. The problem is I need to hear everything so I can figure it all out.

I went to Dawn's house today to hear her for the first time, she was pretty normal sounding, well as normal as Dawn can be! LOL!! Anyways, before I get in trouble, I could understand her pretty well. I was sitting on the love seat and all of a sudden I heard this HIGH frequency loud squeal and it was Patrick turning on the water in the kitchen. Man, that was bad!!! So, I get ready to go home and all of a sudden I heard the jet plane, the first one since my implant but I knew what it was, couldn't find it right away and Troy had to point it out to me. But that was cool, while people are laughing at me standing in the street looking for the jet. So, while I do strange things searching for a sound I think I am doing OK so far.

I am proud of myself that I have not used my hearing aid at all since my implant has been turned on. I am not getting to frustrated yet but I do tend to fade out into la la land because I can't make sense of it. So, if you are with me, please make me be part of the conversation so that I improve, otherwise I will be there but not actively there. Just a coping mechanism that most hard of hearing people have which has proven useful at times but not now in my case.

This is my journal for the day, I'm not falling apart at this time. Stay tuned for more when I might fall apart. LOL

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Hearing-what's that?!

OK, to answer that question right now will be difficult for me. What am I hearing? A lot of jumble up noise.

I went to be activated yesterday, sounds like I am becoming robotic (well that what is sounds like too). I was excited to have Dr. Kelsall take out my stitches but whew he used rubbing alcohol to make sure my insiscion was clean youch! That burned. I have a new found understanding of when I take stitches out of my dogs or greyhounds from being spayed. It can/does hurt at times since the skin can grow over the stitches. I will be more patient and understadning when the fur kid jumps to the side when I pull one or cut one to pull. It always works that way, you have to experience it first before you can understand it. Now I get it! So he proceeded to take them out then used the rubbing alcohol again! Now that one burned, mind you he didn't dab it on there, he rubbed it on there. I am a still a little sore so the pressure took me by surprise as well. After he was done, he said it all looked great, come back in three months to recheck. He made a comment about the bruising on my face, he stated, "that has never happened before, you need to use a hot pad and it will help the bruising go away." Great, I would have to be the one to get the bruise on my face from the facial nerve monitor. It sounds better when I say its been Troy knocking me around. Now, if you now Troy that would NEVER happen.

So then I waited for the next appt. to see Allison, my audiologist, that would be turning me on. I was excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared, ok let's face it, I was going through all my emotions at one time! She talked with me about how it was going to go. First, she needed to check to see if all 22 electrodes were working, sometimes not all of them work. So, we were praying for all 22 green lights! By the way, who is we? Lisa, Troy, and I were all my appt. Did all 22 green lights show up? YEA, all 22 were working. Then, she wanted me to turn off my hearing aid, it has only been turned on 1 more time since then. I had to listen to the beeps and count how many I heard from 2-5 beeps. The cool thing about this is that I was hearing beeps in frequencies that I have never heard before!!! I was able to get through that piece with flying colors, I think I missed about 3-4. Only a teacher would be worried about that, oh right I am one! Next, Allison told me to turn on my hearing aid so that I could listen to the next set of directions, hasn't been turned on since. She wanted to see how well I could respond to my name, a word, three words with different syllables, and then sentences. Now, let me tell you, I knew which words she was going to say except when she did sentences which was common phrases. She covered up her face so that I couldn't read her lips, and whalla we began. I got through my name, the first word, syllables, and got two of the three sentences right (I was really taking my chances on those though). It was pretty exciting! I did come to several conclusions, womens voices were easier for me to get a grip on, Troy's voice really sucked (but its getting better), it was delayed by milliseconds from lip reading to hearing, this world is very noisy with all these high frequencies, and does it sound robotic, yes it does for now. Allison says before I left, that I am doing better than some people do at their two week visit. So, that helps but she said I will be happy, frustrated, and othet things until we get the mapping to where it needs to be.

So, my assignment for the next two weeks, I need to stay in program 1 for 3 days, then switch to program 2 for 3 days, then switch to program 3 for 3 days, then be in program 4 with my volume at 9 (the highest) by the time I go back. I think I'm on Prednisone! Never mind aobut that, we don't want to go there! So, she sends me home with this HUGE box of stuff that I get to go through on my own time and practice hearing. So, it sounds different being on dry vs wet roads. Going through water on the road is really loud. I hear the differences between my children, some of them sound like they are on helium but thats ok. My mom sounded wonderful but a little high! I can tell which dog is barking by the frequency (some of the time). I had to change my ringtone for text messages but I can hear it when it is behind me and I am not waiting for a text. Watchig TV is a challenge without the closed captioning, as well as, regional wrestling tournament for Dyllan (who took 2nd for those who want to know, on to State next weekend). now, I am in my office, fairly quiet except for my fingers clicking while I type--I sure hope I learn to drown that out with email, blogs, and face book. However, I want you to know that I have not had my hearing aid on since I turned it off yesterday at 2:00pm. Do you have any idea how weird it is not to push in my ear mold? I don't have one now and I keep poking my ear with my fingernail. Hopefully soon I will get out of that habit but 39 years is a long time to have a habit. It was even a good one and I have to quit!! What's up with that?!

I think that this is long enough for now, you are probably thinking get finished already!! So, I will touch back with you all later. Allison did say I should journal to help myself remember all the sounds that I am starting to hear. So, I will just journal on here. Take care and love you all.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Gradually improving

OK, I am getting back to normal, slower than I want but getting there. I am still taking afternoon naps but I am getting up earlier now so I am thinking a couple more days and I will be good as new. My stitches look really good according to other people, not sure since I can't really see them so I have to trust them all which would be my husband, kids (not sure about trusting their opinion), Dawn, and Lisa. Then what will happen, I will go get my implant turned ON!, Then what, will I be tired again?

I do want you to know that taking showers is a challenge. This would be the one time that short hair would be awesome but then again long hair is awesome as well. Washing short hair would definately be easier but my long hair covers all the stitches and shave spot. It is starting to ITCH now which is driving me insane but I know that it is healing which is a good sign.

People have been asking me what I am going to do for Spring Break next week, I have been telling them "Learning to hear and listen all over again!" I will be without my hearing aid next week because the implant team want me to USE my implant to start recognizing sounds and attaching meaning to those sounds. So, I know that I will TIRED all over again but guess what? I am EXCITED for that part. I will let you all know how it goes when it gets turned on Friday. That is the next D-day for me.

So, the next round of questions are going through my head like 1. What will it sound like? 2. Will it be different? 3. Will it be hard for me figure out? 4. What do I want to hear first? 5. How will I react when I first hear something? Cry, laugh, or what?

Feelings are so hard to describe but when the tme comes I will do my best and let you all know. Thank you to everyone throughout for your support, love, and prayers. I used them all up!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Home and great news

I got home later thatn I expected on Wed. the 18th. I didnt get home until 9:00ish. I was having a hard time with pain and nausea so we had to work that piece that before Swedish would let me go. I also had realy low blood pressure when I fell asleep. But I did get to come home and not have to stay so that made me happy.

I have been sleeping more than anything right now. I got sick last night and I am thinking it was the cephalexion (antibiotics) that they have me on. SO, I will try again today but if it happens again, I will be calling Dr. Kelsall to if he can use a different antibiotic. The pain has been minimal so far. I am taking Darvset for that but haven't had any today cuz I am waiting for the stomach to settle.

I have about 17 stitche behind my ear and shave spot. Luckliy I have long hair so most people wont see the inscision. OK gotta go, Im getting tired , will write more later.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Night Before Surgery!

It twas the night before surgery, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. OK OK Ok, I won't go there! Well everyone, I am as ready as I am going to be. I have been told to go to bed so that I can rest for tomorrow but I have so much I need to get done. Well, really only a couple of things like taking a shower (cuz who wants to do that at 4am, NOT ME), shaving my legs(critical since people don't want to see a forest, as my husband would say--just kidding, Me NOT HIM!), getting the dog's food ready for 4:30am feeding (they are going to think I am cracked), making sure I have all the papers ready to go, pick out my wardrobe for the day (suit or sweats, what should it be?), taking all my jewelry off (hope the ear holes don't close since there are 7 of them, maybe someone will try to pick me up LOL, I love you Troy!), getting all the stuff ready for the kids (like money to feed them while at the hospital, oh wait they will be sleeping!!), and who knows what else I will come up with (oh, finding those word tiles for Jeremy!).

I have recieved so much support/loves/prayers from various people and boy did/do I need them. So, thank you very much and I will write soon when I am not drugged up and incoherent. Love you all.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Feelings on different levels

There is a time and a place to let my fears come out into the open or at least how I express it. I was trying to be funny and it bit me in the butt. That usually happens to people when they are trying to be funny, especially me since that is Troy's job, not mine. Therefore, I need to apologize to one of my kindest friends for making them feel bad for helping me be aware about what could happen after my surgery. Lisa, I want you know that I want you to tell me what I might/might not experience because in the end it can only help me. I did not mean to make you feel awful. You are one of my kindest/dearest/supportive friends that I could ever ask for and I do not want to jepordize that friendship, so kick me in the butt and make me pay for it one way or another : ) Love you, Guzman!

Now, to even expose myself even more, I went to Estes Park this weekend with my husband, Dawn, and Jason. We go every year so that we can have a respite weekend from the boys, we have four and they have three. We decided to wait until this weekend so that I could have a relaxing weekend before my surgery. I want you to know that the cool air, mountain scenery, and wildlife were beautiful and calming. However, in having discussions with my husband and Dawn, I figured out that I am more nervous that I thought. It is more for what will happen after surgery and how will it affect me and my family. I think about all the changes that will happen and is my family ready for those changes? Andy, the oldest, is fine and hasn't said much really about the surgery one way or another. He tends to be the quiet one. Cole, the second oldest and my first biological child, does not want me to do the surgery because he thinks that I should just be the way that I am. However, he supports me in my decision and will be with me the day of surgery and throughout. Dyllan, the second to the youngest, encourages me to do what I feel is right and will be there if I need him to be. Ty, my youngest, wants mom to be ok. I beleive that he is worried the most since he is only 10. I think that he is more worried about surgery and what they are going to do to my head. My husband, who doesn't say anything but supports it because he knows that I want it. So that is a good thing but his honest opinion would be nice at times. As far as the rest of the family and friends, most are excited for me but how much do they really know, I'm not sure so I guess we will be finding out here soon.

I do want to THANK everyone for their support, I really DO APPRECIATE it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Countdown is ON!

Well people, the countdown is on! I have 6 more days before I go to surgery. I am waiting for the Dr. to be able to send in my prescription for my antibiotics and pain meds, Wal-Mart seems to think that they are really busy and the fax says so. So, Dr. Kelsall's office is going to keep trying to send it, hope it gets there before next Wednesday as I am sure that Troy does NOT want to take me home without those items waiting for me when I arrive.

I am nervous about the outcome and how long it will take for me too adapt. I am NOT worried about surgery, just don't look forward to puking when I come out of (spelling will be wrong) anasethia. Never fails, however I did hear from people some things to try. NOT, that Lisa didn't help matters when she said, "yea, you will be nauseated anyways due to them inserting it through your round window in your ear which messes with your balance system, so may be dizzy too." NOOOO, I didn't want to hear that!! Thanks Lisa, appreciate that! What else will I hear before the final day? I don't know but I am REALLY excited even though nervous. I seem to go through a variety of emotions, sometimes I wonder how is that possible? To be nervous, excited, apprehensive about puking (who wants to do that?!), all in one person at one time. Guess what, it can happen since it's me!

OK, thanks to my family for wanting to go with me at 5 am in the morning, I'll drive so we get there faster OK!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Directions to hospital and surgery (mom needs this so thought you all might)

I will be at Swedish Medical Center on Hampden Ave. If you are coming from Northern area, take I-25S to Sante Fe exit, take Santa Fe (stay to the left) to exit US 285North. Follow that until you get to Logan St. take a left (you will see a big dragon on the top of the building), go to next stop sign go right(Hampden, which is right in front of the medical center), next right is the parking garage. Walk across the street to the main entrance of the facility.

Go in the main doors, walk straight towards the back then make your first right to go to the elevators. Take the elevators to the third floor, look at the floor and you will see colored stripes, follow the purple stripe to the "normal" surgery area.

You know that if you get lost easy, you can look it up on www.mapquest.com http://www.mapquest.com/maps?1c=Brighton&1s=CO&1y=US&1l=39.985298&1g=-104.82&1v=CITY&2c=Denver&2s=CO&2a=%5B4000-4099%5D+E+Hampden+Ave&2z=80222&2pn=Swedish+Medical+Hospital&2y=US&2l=39.653&2g=-104.93985&2v=STREET#a/maps/l:::Brighton:CO::US:39.985298:-104.82:city::1/l:Swedish+Medical+Ctr:501+E+Hampden+Ave:Englewood:CO:80113:US:39.65316:-104.981707:address::1/m::7:39.818305:-104.91928:0:::::/io:1:::::f:EN:M:/e

If you get lost in the hospital, just ask someone where to go. I don' t think that the female species has this problem, it is the male species that can't seem to ask for help.

It is planned to be only a day surgery, which starts at 7:30a.m., about 1 1/2-2 hours later finished, then recovery to start the process to come home. I am predicting that I should be home sometime in the late afternoon.

Thanks to everyone for their support and love so far through this journey, especially my family!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Website information

If you would like to read more information on cochlear implants here is the website www.cochlearamericas.com

I am getting the Nucleus Freedom in pink and silver. Not too wild for a 30 something year old right???? Oh well, I am the one that has to wear it besides Dyllan, my middle son, thinks its cool since pink is his favorite color. LOL!!!

PRE-OP INFORMATION

Howdy to all of you! I went for Pre-op today. That was an exciting process to go through. I had to be there at 2:15p.m. so I get there about 2:00p.m. I go to the reception desk first to find out where I am suppose to go since it is not really marked as to where to go. She takes all my information that took about 20 minutes to finish all the while i am standing there with Troy bumping into me for entertainment! Let me tell you, he can be worse than the kids sometimes( ok, most of the time LOL) . Then, the receptionist takes me to the Pre-admit office. So, I need to go peeee really bad so I ask where the bathroom is and the nurse in there says to wait a minute because she needs to see if I need to have a urine test done. Finally, she brings me a cup to pee in so that if they need it, they will have it. So, Troy and I sit down to wait and the receptionist for the Pre-admit asks for my name and what time I was scheduled for---guess what someone goofed! They (whoever it was) had me scheduled to come in on the same day as my surgery on the 18th of March. So, luckily they worked me in to get it done today. Boy, they do a lot more these days to get you ready for surgery. I had to have more bloodwork done (thankfully only 2 small vials, not SIX like last time), the did an EKG to check my heart or is that EEG? Anyways, my heart is fine! Then I had my appointment with Dr. Kelsall at 4:00, waited until 4:30 before I got in (without having to do another hearing test--whew!!) to see him to sign three papers signing my life over to him. Nah, just kidding all the papers for risks and all that.

Well, surgery is scheduled for 7:30a.m. on the 18th of March, but I have to be there at 5:45a.m. Are they cracked?? I don't even get up that early to get the boys to the bus for wrestling tournaments, Troy does that (what a great DAD). Therefore, to get to Swedish Hospital, we get to leave at 4:45-5:00 which means I have to get up at 4:00 to get a shower, feed my dogs (all 10 of them), and get my kids up LOL. They all want to go so we will see how grumpy they are. Probably me!!! Surgery will take about 1 1/2 -2 hours, then recovery room 1, then recovery room 2 for me to get ready to come home. The next hurdle will be activation on the 27th of March!

Stay tuned, I will write more tom. I am getting tired and need to go to bed! Thank you for all of your support.